FOREVER DAY- a sonnet
When the sun comes up in the morning sky Feel the innocence of a day brand new And when perfect love sparkles in your eye Like the sunrise, a birth begins in you The sun, being love, rising in the east Like a youthful dream that cannot be lost And as morning turns to the noontime feast The love matures, no matter what the cost But the price is high, as the moon appears And the sun lowers down upon the sea The evening shade has brought upon our fears But, with strength and faith, they may never be Oh, if I could possibly find a way So that I could make it Forever Day |
SONNET 3
As I begin to wander through the wood, A sense of urgency begins to rise. What lures a man? I never understood What force could make a man deny his eyes? A crooked path before me leads the way Into a world, with one thing on my mind Words, I find, that I do intend to say Intention being what I try to find The brush has become thicker now, I fear As step by step I delve in deeper now The wind then speaks, a whisper in my ear The sun peaks through, and shines a light somehow Against good judgment, I decided well For the sake of my heart, I'd go through hell |
LET HER GO
How can I give my all with nothing in return She once set my heart on fire, but now I feel the burn I'm hanging onto memories, and yet I have to learn To let her go, let her go, let her go I opened up my doors to such a bittersweet surprise All the love she gave was really torture in disguise I need to muster up the strength to look her in the eyes And let her go, let her go, let her go But then she leans against me and she whispers in my ear She tells me that she needs me, tells me what I want to hear A million thoughts surround me, I'm confronted by my fear Of letting go, letting go, letting go But just as I grow comfortable, she's with another man I blame it on myself because I do not understand The scars I have grow deeper than I ever thought they can... Tony... Let her go, let her go, I don't know... |
LITTLE WHITE LIES
I tell her that she's beautiful Then she says, as usual, The feeling, it is mutual. Obviously, a lie. I see it through her smile That she practiced for a while 'Cause the truth is not her style Though she can not tell me why She never would admit it Delving deeper every minute Tries to act compassionate As she looks me in the eyes But I can not refuse I would rather be abused By the lies that she has used Just to keep me by her side |
Quarter (a poem i wrote at 25 years old)
As I turn the corner of the quarter of life, I feel like I should be two blocks ahead. Where's the career, two kids and the wife? Who knows. I chose the scenic route instead. But it's hard to sit back and enjoy what I see, 'Cause the clock's ticking on. How much time do we get? I'm so used to the world saying what we should be And if we come a step short, we are filled with regret. But I'm proud to see who I have grown to become, Regardless of whether or not I am rich. Material wealth is important to some. I'd rather be happy, than a son of a...hmm... Well, it's hard to be happy, when you look all around You're surrounded by clowns, who are making loud sounds... They're pointing and laughing and judging you now... But, they're really just jealous of what I have found... So, maybe I haven't "accomplished" a thing, Maybe I write, I direct, and I sing But at least I haven't lost sight of my dreams And given up hope, hopeless as it seems. What ever happened to our childhood goals? Just 'cause we're grown, doesn't mean we can't try Instead we all just settle into our roles And watch as the world passes us by... So, I woke up this morning, and I felt a bit old but I'm proud of the fact that I never did fold and conform to the world, become distant and cold... and I never did put a price on my soul... ... so, it comes down to this, as I sit in this chair All of me, the big smile, blue eyes, red hair Nothing in the world could ever compare To this peace of mind that I wish I could share. See, people always ask me how I can be So cheerful and happy with all that's happened to me Well, I happen to be, actively, quite tactfully An actor, who's acted well enough for the Academy... haha, but seriously I'm happy because I'm a good guy in this world full of cynics, I've suffered for sure But at 25, I judge my success on that. Why? What more could my mother have asked me for HOPE part one
Whatever endeavor I try I never would ever aim short of the sky I better not sever my closely knit ties As they were the ones who were there I sorta came short of the goals that I set But there's more to the sport in this guy you can bet In the core, I am sure to amaze if you let me go free, then my soul I will bare |
Prodigal *itch
"It's been a long time", I say, as she steps inside the room. The loudest silence ever follows, as she eyes the floor. It's indicative of the fact she'll leave again real soon, so I step behind her as to stand beside the door. I ask her to explain to me why she had to go. And still her silence answers me. She never had to say why it was she felt the need to tear apart my soul, and how she found the nerve to stand before me on this day I ask her, "Is it all my fault, tell me what is it I've done?" A tear hits the floor, as she finally meets my eye She says, "I had just found out that I was pregnant with your son!" I then let down my guard as I fight the urge to cry Why would she then leave if she's in such a state? Wouldn't her natural instincts let her know she needs to stay? Then she says she needs to tell me why she's here so late and why she says she had to leave me on that Saturday She tells me she's not ready for responsibility Says she barely even felt the need to go to work She never really felt like she had abilities So she tried to convince herself that I was a jerk I look at her increduously, because we both know that's not true She hugs me, says "I know, and I'm sorry for that, now" She tells me she was scared and didn't know what she should do So she left me for the road as soon as sunlight would allow As time went on she realized she never lived her life Why should she give birth to something that she didn't want? She wasn't even ready to become my loving wife So why should I expect her not to pull this crazy stunt She met up with some old friends and began to party hard Caution to the wind, she thought, was now her state of mind Motherhood for her, she felt, just wasn't in the cards The words, she said, to explain what went next was hard to find I fear the worst because I always wished to be a dad And I always figured that she was the one with whom I'd be I always treated her real well, I never thought she had to second guess about whether or not she'd be with me She shocks me as she tells me what exactly was to come I never thought I'd live to see a day filled with such pain The news would be, I would think, unbearable to some The look in her eyes would make you think she was insane She held the bloody corpse of what would be her firstborn son the morning after she decided to do lots of...stuff like, smoke, and drink, and then some drugs, she wanted to have fun She never took the time to think that it would be this tough I looked at her and cried aloud, "God, what have you done?" She seemed to lose that guilty feeling as she looked at me I told her I would be an awesome father to her son Her empty stare grew colder as she went to take a seat "There's something else I think that you need to understand" She tells me, as I look outside my window at the lawn The baby that I lost... well, it was from another man I closed my eyes and felt as if my heart could not go on I stumble to my feet, and I go unlock the door I take a breath of air as I gather all my thoughts I turn around so that I could get a look at her once more And thought about the diamond ring she never knew I bought With all the strength inside of me, I ask for her to leave She opens up the door, then asks me what I'm gonna do I tell her not to worry, life goes on, I do believe Then I tell her "Please be careful, and know that I loved you" |
A FRIENDSHIP IN TRANSITION - a 4 part poem
PART 1
it tears me apart
with each passing day
cause i lose myself
in every word that you say
our friendship has grown
in almost every way
but my feelings are more
than my heart should convey
i put up my walls
but, now as they sway
i need you to leave
but i ask you to stay
you're perfect for me
which leads me to pray
is this for real
or has my heart been betrayed?
*
PART 2
your smile is a gift
the best you could ever send
sincere
your soul seeps through with something it can not pretend
i understand you
especially when
we remain at arms length
again and again
but the thought...
of you with other men...
it shouldn't, but kills me,
and to think where we could have been
but regardless
of where we stand in the end
we'll always be
the best of friends
*
but wow...
i can't shake this feeling now
and it's not like i don't know how
it's just something that i will not allow
it's too easy to say that we aren't as one
we have fun, but never entered into relation
we'd be dumb if we look at what we have become
and decide that it should be over and done...
*
i'm taking a leap of faith
imagine, you and i
we embrace
joined at the hips, arms and waist
just a taste
i'd love you till i die
Wait!
did i say those words in haste?
~
well,
i love you as a person, as a friend, but know this
under stars, i do wish for that sweet endless kiss
yet we insist we're just friends, even though i may miss
you the moment you leave... the moment...
...
i believe that i'm falling
i believe that you care
but where do we stand
in this life we can share
i am taking a chance
with my soul stripped bare
this could go either way
you could leave, i'm aware
but some risks are worth taking
it just wouldn't be fair
to not share my heart with you
to live life apart from you
to not let you know
would be a living nightmare
am i crossing the line?
i never would dare
i'm just giving to you
with nothing to spare
and i'm out here
gasping for air
wondering
will you be there?
*
PART 3
it's out there now
the words just left
everything that was in my heart,
my mouth just gave it breath
and, as a man,
i continue to stand
but my body wants to fall
and knows not where to land
my soul reached out
her eyes reached mine
a lovely warm brown
piercing my mind
i seemed to have lost
all concepts of space and time
just me and her
the beautiful paradigm
*
only five seconds have passed
since my heart went free
five seconds...
but an eternity to me
i try to read her thoughts
look into her eyes
i'm mystified
a cloud of doubt hits me by surprise
i am scared of anything
over which i feel i have no control
this moment
that includes my life, my heart, my soul
now i realize
i left my destiny in her hands
who knows how she plans
to deal with what's in her command
i'm out to sea
just searching for her land
dreaming of her shores
and to hold her, rolling in the sand...
*
thirty seconds pass, half a minute
but, to me, too long
I gaze upon her countenance
wondering what could be wrong
if she shared with me her love
i'd hug her right away
instead, she looks upon the ground
looking for the words to say...
i knew i should not have told her
but hindsight is always clear
how dare i give this power to her
this is my only fear
~
it's been
less than a minute, and i've already lost my mind
wishing for the ability to go and press rewind
but...
i catch myself
i guess i forgot
i know who i am
and i know what i'm not...
i'm not afraid to love
just afraid to lose
but we wouldn't lose a thing
if it were up to me to choose
i feel a new sense of confidence
cowardice is for the birds
i knew what i was doing
when i spoke the words
i could have bitten my tongue
but i didn't fight the urge
instead
i just allowed it all to surge
*
so, now it comes to this
this moment right here
a minute has passed
and it's still not clear
does she feel the same too
or will it all disappear
but wait...
she has lifted her head
and she's shedding a tear...
PART 4
a single tear
shatters the ground
deafening silence
a story told without a sound
her eyes tell me everything
even words she has not found
unbound
not affected by all that is around
she is focused on me
gives me that look
compassionate, love...
apologetic, for the heart that she took
inadvertantly,
she feels she has failed
as a friend, as an unwilling goddess
not to be hailed...
she opens her mouth
tells me the words
how could i do this
absolutely absurd
i see her face
covered with pain
all she wanted was my friendship...
i should have wanted the same
but i love her too much
to live a lie
i share with her everything
including what's inside
she was too beautiful
i knew from the start
i'd not only give her my time
but i'd give her my heart
i only wonder
what exactly did i expect
was it loyalty,
honesty, love, respect?
she gave me all this
with abundance and care
nurtured me, through thick
i thought, together, we'd share
everything...
i have been deceived
by my mind and my heart
i wanted to believe
she told me she's sorry
i told her i know
she said that she loves me
i said i should go
she grabbed my arm and pleaded
whimpering...no
no, please let's talk...
please don't go
whenever she has needed me,
i've never walked away
so why should i start now
when she's asked me to stay
it hurts me to look at her
but we still have things to say
i'll heal my heart tomorrow
but i'm still her friend today
i sit back down
i reach for her hand
i know she doesn't want me
this much i understand
she mentions names of other friends
she's never gone through this before
why must i make it difficult
why couldn't i leave it at the door
my feelings? my heart?
did i really have a choice?
when i see her beautiful face?
when i hear her pretty voice?
she shouldn't look at me
and blame me for all this
but when i look her in the eyes
it's her lips i want to kiss
i know it's inconvenient
it may make her clench her fists
but i know that if we parted ways
each moment will be missed
that's exactly the point
that i've been trying to make
that's what made me feel
i wasn't making a mistake
she was perfect
well, almost, in every single way
and when she wasn't
it was even better, anyway
her words, her smile,
her eyes, her grace,
her flaws all complimented
her beautiful face
when we were together,
we shined like the sun
we would laugh all day
and always had fun
we shared with each other
everything on our minds
no walls in between us
at least none that i could find
i have always figured
i'd fall in love with my best friend
who better for me to spend
everyday until the end
she understands me
like nobody else ever has
every other girl was pop
she's sophisticated jazz
my respect for her is endless
my love for her sincere
i'd give up everything for her
but have i? that's what i fear
she looks with disappointment
it seems too easy for her now
she asks me to get over it
i say i don't know how
i know she is compassionate
but why is she so sure
i would make her happy
i thought she wanted more
maybe it was my timing
or maybe my style of clothes
or maybe it's because...
whatever, God, who knows?
if you asked her to describe
the kind of guy she needs
her words would paint a picture
his face would look like me
his words would be poetic
his heart would feel like mine
he'd dedicate to her
his thoughts, and his time
and every thought of her
in my head it seems to rhyme
driving me crazy...
i love her...
why can't she be mine?
she starts to feel it's hopeless
why can't we just be friends?
she says if i don't change my mind
it might spell the end
i look at her, she's crazy
our friendship is too strong
so what, i'm in love with her
but i don't see what's wrong
she says she feels uncomfortable
and that's something that she wants
she never had to worry
about what she's said these last few months
now i drop this "bomb"
how did i expect her to respond
i told her i don't know
but we shared a special bond
she told me that we did
more like a brother in her eyes
my heart fell to the ground
she caught me by surprise
how could she not look at me
and feel it just a bit
a sparkle or a feeling
i thought i'd be a perfect fit
apparently i was wrong
the future looking grim
i've glanced upon perfection
the lights begin to dim
i've searched for her
my entire life
i want to be her boyfriend...
i wanted her to be my wife
she tells me that she feels real bad
but now it's time to go
i ask for her to stay
but her face just tells me no
she says that it's unfortunate
that i couldn't change my mind
she says she chose our friendship
but i didn't, so now it's time
to give us time apart
it only seems fair
she says i need some room to breathe
but i'm breathless in my chair
i've lost the will to move
she doesn't seem to care
that anytime she needs me
she won't find me anywhere
now i realize
that honesty means pain
this was all my fault
things will never be the same
sure i wanted everything
between us to be alright
but i'd rather have her friendship
than not have her in my life
now i'm stuck, alone
without my best of friends
if only i could live a lie
this wouldn't be the end...
*****
with a little time
we've been able to work through
any of our differences
anything i could do
that could make her feel more comfortable
and save our friendship, too
you'd better believe
in an instant i would do...
*****
she called me up one day
i could tell she's cried
it seems she's having problems
with some other guy
i told her wipe the tears
that are falling from her eyes
she said she feels real stupid
so i asked her why
she told me that she's sorry
but she feels a bit distressed
she says she feels uncomfortable
i said i'd do my best
to help her with her situation
whatever it's about
she told me all her problems
but i know she left things out
her walls were growing taller
her guards never came down
this is my reality
my ever present frown
i said i didn't love her
anymore, but that's a lie
it is necessary
because my love will never die
i only have to hold it
deep within my heart
and i've come to the realization
that we'll always be apart
we've reached a compromise
she is still my best friend
but she's also the love of my life
forever
til the end
*
PART 1
it tears me apart
with each passing day
cause i lose myself
in every word that you say
our friendship has grown
in almost every way
but my feelings are more
than my heart should convey
i put up my walls
but, now as they sway
i need you to leave
but i ask you to stay
you're perfect for me
which leads me to pray
is this for real
or has my heart been betrayed?
*
PART 2
your smile is a gift
the best you could ever send
sincere
your soul seeps through with something it can not pretend
i understand you
especially when
we remain at arms length
again and again
but the thought...
of you with other men...
it shouldn't, but kills me,
and to think where we could have been
but regardless
of where we stand in the end
we'll always be
the best of friends
*
but wow...
i can't shake this feeling now
and it's not like i don't know how
it's just something that i will not allow
it's too easy to say that we aren't as one
we have fun, but never entered into relation
we'd be dumb if we look at what we have become
and decide that it should be over and done...
*
i'm taking a leap of faith
imagine, you and i
we embrace
joined at the hips, arms and waist
just a taste
i'd love you till i die
Wait!
did i say those words in haste?
~
well,
i love you as a person, as a friend, but know this
under stars, i do wish for that sweet endless kiss
yet we insist we're just friends, even though i may miss
you the moment you leave... the moment...
...
i believe that i'm falling
i believe that you care
but where do we stand
in this life we can share
i am taking a chance
with my soul stripped bare
this could go either way
you could leave, i'm aware
but some risks are worth taking
it just wouldn't be fair
to not share my heart with you
to live life apart from you
to not let you know
would be a living nightmare
am i crossing the line?
i never would dare
i'm just giving to you
with nothing to spare
and i'm out here
gasping for air
wondering
will you be there?
*
PART 3
it's out there now
the words just left
everything that was in my heart,
my mouth just gave it breath
and, as a man,
i continue to stand
but my body wants to fall
and knows not where to land
my soul reached out
her eyes reached mine
a lovely warm brown
piercing my mind
i seemed to have lost
all concepts of space and time
just me and her
the beautiful paradigm
*
only five seconds have passed
since my heart went free
five seconds...
but an eternity to me
i try to read her thoughts
look into her eyes
i'm mystified
a cloud of doubt hits me by surprise
i am scared of anything
over which i feel i have no control
this moment
that includes my life, my heart, my soul
now i realize
i left my destiny in her hands
who knows how she plans
to deal with what's in her command
i'm out to sea
just searching for her land
dreaming of her shores
and to hold her, rolling in the sand...
*
thirty seconds pass, half a minute
but, to me, too long
I gaze upon her countenance
wondering what could be wrong
if she shared with me her love
i'd hug her right away
instead, she looks upon the ground
looking for the words to say...
i knew i should not have told her
but hindsight is always clear
how dare i give this power to her
this is my only fear
~
it's been
less than a minute, and i've already lost my mind
wishing for the ability to go and press rewind
but...
i catch myself
i guess i forgot
i know who i am
and i know what i'm not...
i'm not afraid to love
just afraid to lose
but we wouldn't lose a thing
if it were up to me to choose
i feel a new sense of confidence
cowardice is for the birds
i knew what i was doing
when i spoke the words
i could have bitten my tongue
but i didn't fight the urge
instead
i just allowed it all to surge
*
so, now it comes to this
this moment right here
a minute has passed
and it's still not clear
does she feel the same too
or will it all disappear
but wait...
she has lifted her head
and she's shedding a tear...
PART 4
a single tear
shatters the ground
deafening silence
a story told without a sound
her eyes tell me everything
even words she has not found
unbound
not affected by all that is around
she is focused on me
gives me that look
compassionate, love...
apologetic, for the heart that she took
inadvertantly,
she feels she has failed
as a friend, as an unwilling goddess
not to be hailed...
she opens her mouth
tells me the words
how could i do this
absolutely absurd
i see her face
covered with pain
all she wanted was my friendship...
i should have wanted the same
but i love her too much
to live a lie
i share with her everything
including what's inside
she was too beautiful
i knew from the start
i'd not only give her my time
but i'd give her my heart
i only wonder
what exactly did i expect
was it loyalty,
honesty, love, respect?
she gave me all this
with abundance and care
nurtured me, through thick
i thought, together, we'd share
everything...
i have been deceived
by my mind and my heart
i wanted to believe
she told me she's sorry
i told her i know
she said that she loves me
i said i should go
she grabbed my arm and pleaded
whimpering...no
no, please let's talk...
please don't go
whenever she has needed me,
i've never walked away
so why should i start now
when she's asked me to stay
it hurts me to look at her
but we still have things to say
i'll heal my heart tomorrow
but i'm still her friend today
i sit back down
i reach for her hand
i know she doesn't want me
this much i understand
she mentions names of other friends
she's never gone through this before
why must i make it difficult
why couldn't i leave it at the door
my feelings? my heart?
did i really have a choice?
when i see her beautiful face?
when i hear her pretty voice?
she shouldn't look at me
and blame me for all this
but when i look her in the eyes
it's her lips i want to kiss
i know it's inconvenient
it may make her clench her fists
but i know that if we parted ways
each moment will be missed
that's exactly the point
that i've been trying to make
that's what made me feel
i wasn't making a mistake
she was perfect
well, almost, in every single way
and when she wasn't
it was even better, anyway
her words, her smile,
her eyes, her grace,
her flaws all complimented
her beautiful face
when we were together,
we shined like the sun
we would laugh all day
and always had fun
we shared with each other
everything on our minds
no walls in between us
at least none that i could find
i have always figured
i'd fall in love with my best friend
who better for me to spend
everyday until the end
she understands me
like nobody else ever has
every other girl was pop
she's sophisticated jazz
my respect for her is endless
my love for her sincere
i'd give up everything for her
but have i? that's what i fear
she looks with disappointment
it seems too easy for her now
she asks me to get over it
i say i don't know how
i know she is compassionate
but why is she so sure
i would make her happy
i thought she wanted more
maybe it was my timing
or maybe my style of clothes
or maybe it's because...
whatever, God, who knows?
if you asked her to describe
the kind of guy she needs
her words would paint a picture
his face would look like me
his words would be poetic
his heart would feel like mine
he'd dedicate to her
his thoughts, and his time
and every thought of her
in my head it seems to rhyme
driving me crazy...
i love her...
why can't she be mine?
she starts to feel it's hopeless
why can't we just be friends?
she says if i don't change my mind
it might spell the end
i look at her, she's crazy
our friendship is too strong
so what, i'm in love with her
but i don't see what's wrong
she says she feels uncomfortable
and that's something that she wants
she never had to worry
about what she's said these last few months
now i drop this "bomb"
how did i expect her to respond
i told her i don't know
but we shared a special bond
she told me that we did
more like a brother in her eyes
my heart fell to the ground
she caught me by surprise
how could she not look at me
and feel it just a bit
a sparkle or a feeling
i thought i'd be a perfect fit
apparently i was wrong
the future looking grim
i've glanced upon perfection
the lights begin to dim
i've searched for her
my entire life
i want to be her boyfriend...
i wanted her to be my wife
she tells me that she feels real bad
but now it's time to go
i ask for her to stay
but her face just tells me no
she says that it's unfortunate
that i couldn't change my mind
she says she chose our friendship
but i didn't, so now it's time
to give us time apart
it only seems fair
she says i need some room to breathe
but i'm breathless in my chair
i've lost the will to move
she doesn't seem to care
that anytime she needs me
she won't find me anywhere
now i realize
that honesty means pain
this was all my fault
things will never be the same
sure i wanted everything
between us to be alright
but i'd rather have her friendship
than not have her in my life
now i'm stuck, alone
without my best of friends
if only i could live a lie
this wouldn't be the end...
*****
with a little time
we've been able to work through
any of our differences
anything i could do
that could make her feel more comfortable
and save our friendship, too
you'd better believe
in an instant i would do...
*****
she called me up one day
i could tell she's cried
it seems she's having problems
with some other guy
i told her wipe the tears
that are falling from her eyes
she said she feels real stupid
so i asked her why
she told me that she's sorry
but she feels a bit distressed
she says she feels uncomfortable
i said i'd do my best
to help her with her situation
whatever it's about
she told me all her problems
but i know she left things out
her walls were growing taller
her guards never came down
this is my reality
my ever present frown
i said i didn't love her
anymore, but that's a lie
it is necessary
because my love will never die
i only have to hold it
deep within my heart
and i've come to the realization
that we'll always be apart
we've reached a compromise
she is still my best friend
but she's also the love of my life
forever
til the end
*